Diary of a Hormonal Pregnant Woman

I'm "spring cleaning" computer files here at work, as they prepare to migrate us to a new platform later in the week. (Gee, that makes me sound so techie!) I was inspired to do the same with my e-mail accounts.

I just stumbled upon this gem of an e-mail that my sister sent me last winter, when she was 7 months pregnant with my nephew, Cayden. I held onto it because I knew it was something that I'd want to re-read. And because I thought it was so exceptionally well written. I love her sense of humor.

As I read it again, it now has a different meaning for me, as I begin my own steps toward impending motherhood. Since I'm only 3 months along, most of this does not apply to me yet, but I'm certainly looking forward to the journey.

One of the greatest gifts my sister has given me is the ability I had to watch her during her pregnancy journey and now motherhood. It is probably one of the only experiences in our lives that she has done FIRST. Being the big sister, I got to break the mold on most of the "big" life experiences (driving, college, engagement, marriage, home buying) and she was there to watch and learn from me. I can't put into words what a wonderful opportunity and experience it was for me to watch her journey through pregnancy last year and now that she is a mother. I just hope I can do it as gracefully and with as much joy as she makes it look!

Date
Feb 28, 2007 3:18 PM

Subject
Diary of a Hormonal Pregnant Woman

I had several epiphanies yesterday, and I thought I would share them with you. This will either make you laugh, cry, never want to be pregnant, or all/none of the above. Enjoy :)

When you first become pregnant, everyone tells you that at some point you will be "glowing." Early on in pregnancy, this "glow" seems more like a myth. People must tell the myth of the glow in order to keep people reproducing, because once you are as sick as a dog in your first trimester, most women are, in fact, NOT glowing. You throw up, you have gas, you don't look pregnant yet, you just look like you gained a layer of pudge. And every day, as you hover over the toilet that has become oh so familiar to you, you think to yourself "Where is this glow that everyone tells you about? Surely, I am never going to glow." You embody the Three P's: pasty, pale, and pudgy, and you just look like crap in general. You slather blush on your cheeks so you look somewhat alive and you nap all of the time so you have chronic bed head.

After the sickness subsides, and you are actually looking pregnant now, you wonder again about the glow. It seems almost possible now. You are excited, nervous, and giddy about your child. You name it, you feel it move, you feel it sit on your bladder so you have to pee constantly, but you love it all. You start buying baby clothes, nursery furniture, and toys that claim they will make your baby a genius. You are well into maternity clothes by now and you wonder why all of the clothes in the maternity store are cut down to your belly button. Come on people, we're pregnant. Our breasts may be significantly larger than they have ever been, but that does not mean we want to show them off! Design some clothes that have necklines! There comes a time when you wish you weren't so antsy about showing, because at this point every day it becomes harder and harder to put on your socks, bend at the waist, and stand from a sitting position. You ask your husband if he will help you manicure your feet, because you just can't quite reach them over your belly, and if you do it just pinches like crazy. He, of course, is grossed out by the idea of cutting your toe nails, so you think for a moment about picking up the nearest large object and hurling it at him. You do, however, resist the temptation to turn in to the pregnant monster.

Then comes the day when you finally get the GLOW. You would think that this would be a glorious moment. You picture yourself standing in front of your mirror and seeing how beautiful you look. Well, I have realized that this glow that everyone talks about is, in fact, the result of hot flashes. As a person who is normally cold all of the time, the profuse sweating I started to experience came as quite a shock. I have realized that when people comment that I have the pregnant glow, it is because I am literally sweating to death, not to mention the fact that I have to layer my clothing so the girls don't hang out of my maternity clothes. No blush is needed at this point in your pregnancy because your face is always bright red and glistening with sweat. This is the GLOW.

Jump to when your husband tells you, "You know, you are getting fat."True, you may be sinking your teeth into a juicy hamburger and on a rant because Friendly's ran out of french fries, but COME ON it's freaking Friendly's. How can they RUN OUT of FRIES on the night that I come here craving a measly one, two, or 50 million french fries? True, your husband may have been joking around. He may not have chosen the best way to tell you that he thinks you look positively perfect and beautiful now that you have gained almost 30 pounds, are carrying his child, and have trouble sleeping because it is virtually impossible to get comfortable. He also has not realized that you could, at any moment, turn into the pregnant monster and eat his head instead of the french fry.